Random reflections, answering unanswered comments because I can't sleep

I visited this blog for the first time in a while--not having posted or responded to any comments since 2014. There were several times I thought I should respond to some of the comments trickling in, but prevented by:

1) Lack of initiative/energy during med school/residency

2) Fervent desire to keep this cringe-worthy clusterfuck of a blog hidden deep within my subconscious.

I couldn't sleep--while browsing Reddit I saw some premed-related content, and found myself reading through this blog. Embarrassingly, I lol'ed at my own posts and memes.

I suspect hardly anyone reads or follows this blog since the majority of the traffic originated from Premed101--also another place I've almost never gone back to.

Regardless--this is for my own amusement, sanity check, and update for anyone who may be remotely interested (i.e. long term outcomes of an average premed student).

Where Am I Now

Since my last post in 2014 (nearly a decade ago, wow)--finished med school in 2018, and started 5-year residency. Currently in my last year and studying for exams--hence the disrupted sleep cycle. Life has changed, rather substantially since then.

Responding to unanswered comments

For shits and giggles. For the purposes of reflecting. In case it is helpful to someone.

"hey, the people want part 3!"--person, Apr 2, 2016

Don't got time anymore. Plus, my MMI answers were/are probably shit so you don't want any of that.

"What could you have possibly said to make the situation upside down!?"--Hanna, Mar 29, 2016

Who fucking knows. Fairly sure I froze and uttered whatever that came to mind which was probably incoherent and/or possibly morally bankrupt--at a midpoint of the interview, then progressively got worse from there. It may have been a scenario-type of question.

"Just wanted to say your blog is awesome! I am wondering if you did anything different in terms of preparation for your last round of interviews? I have been struggling with interviews that really seem to hinder me from being accepted...btw hope you put up more postings under the Korean category as I am a Korean premed myself :)"--weenieholic, Jan 19, 2016

For the first round of interviews, I prepped a "reasonable" amount I think, can't recall.

For the second round, I prepped way too much.

For the third round, fortunately, I ran out of fucks to give and did not prep (1-2 hours at most probs). With each interview, I progressively gave less fucks--by the time of the last interview (the one that accepted me), there were 0 fucks given.

The trick, I guess, is to give minimal fucks with very little prep ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"Hey Mat! Why was applying to US a bad idea?"--person, Oct 16, 2015

"Hey Matt! Great blog! I was really curious about your experience applying to those 14 US Medical Schools. I always thought of it as a backup to Canadian Medical Schools but you make it seem like it's 10000X more difficult to even get an interview. Do you think you could make a new post about which schools you applied to or shed some light on why those 14 applications went so poorly? Thanks!"--person, Sep 27, 2014

Rushed, costly, last minute decision with little prep/research that ended up being a giant money sink than anything else.

"Hey Matt, Haven't check in on this blog for a while, but I wanna say congratulations! I am also a first year MD student in Ontario, and I gotta say your blog posts helped me so much on my MCAT and gave me the confidence to take the exam. I really related to some of the struggles you had and loved the humorous spin you put on them with your memes and comics. Wish you all the best and hopefully we will run into each other around the wards some day. Cheers."--person, Jun 21, 2015

The wards were cool.

"I don't know you at all lol I'm just a grade 12 students but I'm very happy for you! You went through all these rejections and I know many people would give up and quit but you didn't and I like to say that your experiences have inspired me! Thank you!"

"Your rage comics are hilarious! And your "life cycle" into medial school was very similar to mine, right down to getting off the wait list (third round for me). I hope you keep up the blog in medical school, and good luck!"

"Hey, I got rejected from UofT last year (first time applying) and am currently applying to US schools and UofT. I felt pretty bummed out about getting rejected last year, but after reading your post I feel much better. It's amazing how you were able to psychologically win yourself over and continue applying. Thanks for the post and giving me the motivation to continue on."

Comments like these give me courage to live on.

Finally, the single non-positive comment in this blog:

"As a current medical student, I have one advice for you: please stop this blinded pursuit of med schools. There are so many better things in life. You're just wasting time and money. Honestly, try other pursuits. Maybe nursing? Maybe PhD/Master's? Medicine is not worth all the trouble you're going through, and, most importantly, the fact you're wasting your best years in life just wandering around is painful. Best of luck this cycle, but time to face the music, Matt."--?angry med student, Apr 27, 2014.

Holy shit--am I glad I never "face(d) the music", as the world around me burns with a slow descent into a recession of some kind.

Until the next time I find myself not sleeping.

Matt

The Life Cycle of an "Average" Premed: a ragecomic chronicle

I've finally settled down enough to reflect on the last 4 years of applications... and thought it would be a good idea to share my application history for those of you who may be in similar positions.

As requested (many times), my year-by-year undergraduate GPA (OMSAS) :

Year 1: 3.64
Year 2: 3.75
Year 3: 3.86
Year 4: 3.86

cGPA: 3.78
wGPA (weighted for U of T): 3.88

Not the most impressive stats, as you can clearly see.

I first started applying during third year of undergrad, more for practice than expecting actual interviews given my stats at the time. I've applied every year since then, at one point applying to the US (which was a complete and utter fail- for good reason). Here's a year-to-year breakdown along with graphical illustrations of my reaction to rejections each year:

Cycle 1- 2010-2011

Applied: Queen's, Toronto, McMaster
Rejected: Queen's, Toronto, McMaster

Figure 1. Pre-intervew rejections.

Summary: Rejected pre-interview for the three schools I applied to. I was periodically checking the library computers during lab break times. My lab partner at the time didn't apply, but was accepted in our 4th year- to the same school I'll be attending, actually.

This was the year Queen's first started taking ECs into pre-interview scoring, hence the lack of an interview...

Cycle 2- 2011-2012

Applied: Queen's, Toronto, McMaster, Western, Ottawa, Manitoba, Calgary
Interview: Manitoba, Western
Rejected: Manitoba, Western

Interviews at Western & Manitoba- see How to really, really screw up important interviews: a ragecomic presentation.

Summary: As a (slightly) socially awkward & nervous interviewer, interviews did not go down well (see above link). This was during my 4th year, while I did not have any back-up plans planned. This was/is a terrible idea, I still can't stress this enough. See How I got my first research position: a ragecomic illustration for what is usually highly unlikely to happen for people without solid backup plans.

Cycle 3- 2012-2013

Applied: Queen's, Toronto, McMaster, Western, Ottawa, Manitoba, 14 US schools
Interview: McMaster (off waitlist), Western
Rejected: McMaster, Western, all US schools

Figure 2. Overly-exaggerated graphical illustration of post-rejection celebrations.

Summary: Sad times here. I prepared extensively for both interviews, practicing with friends, labmates, etc. I think the problem was (like many others) I was over-prepared, and sounded as if I was reading off a script... and consequently didn't seem like a real person. Interestingly, now that I look back- I actually thought I did well in the interview (see Interviews & raging times at the lab)... idiocy, idiocy everywhere.

To be honest, this was probably among the most (but not the most) depressing, disappointing moments in my life. Especially considering the amount of help I was given by some awesome people around me... also didn't help that I was receiving pre-interview rejections year-round (starting from September? Or something like that) from the US schools I applied to. More on that later, but mostly due to bad reference letter(s), terribly written essay & secondaries, and lack of quantifiable research during applications.

Cycle 4- 2013-2014

Applied: Queen's, Toronto, McMaster, Western, McGill

Interview: Queen's, Toronto, Western (MD/PhD)
Rejected: All MD/PhD programs, and 1 MD
Waitlist: 1 MD
Accepted: 1 MD (after initial waitlist)

Summary: This was the first year I could apply with actual research experience/accomplishments in hand, since I had only started my job around the time applications were due in the previous cycle (2012-2013). After 1-1.5 years of solid research slavery (see Enslaved by brains: a ragecomic representation), I had a reasonably decent CV for MD/PhD programs- and was lucky enough to get interviews.

The interview at the school I was accepted to was the last interview I did, whilst knowing I was rejected from all the MD/PhD programs and also highly likely rejected from the MD programs as well since the interviews occurred on the same days/weekends (and interview performance likely correlated among each other). I went into the interview saying to myself that this is the last med school interview I will ever do, and ended up as the most "real" interview I ever did- I was not nervous at all, and able to be "myself" during the entire interview. I left feeling confident, and continuously so until a week before May 13th.

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After 36 (that's a nice number) pre- and post-interview rejections, and 7 interviews over 4 application cycles, I finally have an acceptance in my hand. Even as I'm filling out paperwork, applying for my LOC, and doing all the med-like things I've always wanted to do (paperwork ftw), and as cliché as this sounds, I still can't believe I'm in. Imposter syndrome, even before starting med school...

...and I find myself wondering what I'm going to write about now in this blog of mine. Perhaps something about research? How to epic-fail at US med applications? Not really sure.

Matt

No longer a premed

Surprise.

It's finally official- I will no longer be a "premed". This is what happened in the last year:

Interviewed: U of T, Queen's, Western

Waitlisted: one of the above
Rejected: one of the above
Accepted: one of the above (after initial waitlist)

I will post something more coherent when I've settled down a bit.

Matt